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Okay it was a Thursday night. I was working away from home and living in a small, family run hotel. Work was stressful and I needed a shag.
I desperately searched the internet and called the usual suspects. I wasn’t particularly looking for cheap escorts Birmingham had to offer, just someone available nearby.
Unlike some, and maybe it’s just me, but when I’m looking for an escort, I rely on gut instinct and reviews.
The last thing on my mind was a Chinese escort in Birmingham that didn’t speak a word of English.
Glossy photos don’t do it for me. I’m always a little cautious with them. I think it’s far too easy to air brush out the odd
wrinkle or to upload a fake photo to any site.
Reviews mean a lot to me but then I get to feeling, this escort has had too many guys, is she safe! It’s a no win situation, reviews are
good but that means you get a feel for how busy the escort has been. That can be scary too.
So back to my Chinese escort in Birmingham. I was just desperate, I called a few of the popular escorts but they where just either busy or not answering. So I grabbed the local newspaper off the desk in the foyer.
Having snaffled that away to my bedroom, I fingered through the personal classified. I came across a few adverts for escorts.
Calling one just got me through to an answering machine with a very, very long story. I got to feeling I was being scammed there. Hung up and tried again.
This time it was a Chinese escort in Birmingham. Well, Solihull way to be more accurate. When I called her, she told me she was available right now. Broken English as expected.
I have never been a fan of inviting escorts to my hotel. I know some of you guys have no problem with this; it’s just not for me. I always prefer meeting her at her place. Thinking about it though, perhaps that is a riskier option!
Visiting the Chinese Escort in Birmingham
It was a small estate. I called her from there and was told to head through the back gate down an alley at the back of some houses. Not my favourite way to enter a home.
I’ve heard a few stories about punters being stopped in the alley at the back of a home and mugged or threatened. Still, the dickhead was brave. I headed on down the alley.
Knocking on her back door, I was greeted by a petite Chinese escort. I can’t say she was sexy or pretty. Just ordinary. A typical Chinese girl. She waved me in and through to the lounge.
Well, I was not impressed with this situation.
My usual punt was a sexy Manchester escort called Lucy who was a diamond. Lucy lived in a small semi detached house and was always friendly and welcoming. Her home was immaculate.
This lounge, on the other hand, was a pig sty. What was more off putting was finding a mattress on the floor in the middle of the room. One small pillow. Coupled with a plain looking, girl next door, Chinese escort, this was not going to plan. Even dickhead was starting to have second thoughts.
Then I got another nail in the coffin for this punt when I realised, as the Chinese escort waved me to lie on the bed, that she did not actually speak English. I said hello and asked her outright if she spoke English. She just shook her head.
I opted for a quick handjob. She was way to soft a touch and trying to give her any direction was useless. I ended up helping myself to completion and left as quick as I could.
Lessons Learned Visiting a Chinese Escort in Birmingham
Okay, let’s review what I learned from this experience and see if we can agree some actions for future escort encounters. While I am not decrying the employment of a Chinese escort in Birmingham, I have my personal opinions. Of course, not all of you will agree with what I have to say but that’s life.
Make Sure Your Escort Speaks Your Language
First, make sure the escort speaks English. For me, this is a must now. I can’t speak another language and if you do then your options are much wider than mine. I don’t want to pay for a half arsed service. So if they can’t understand me then that’s exactly what I’ll get. I see a lot of Romanian, Bulgarian escorts appearing in the scene. I’ve never called them and probably never will just for that reason alone.
Calm Down, It’s Only An Escort
Next, calm the fuck down. This one is harder. I know I need to calm down and not rush a search. I think when you get to searching Newspapers, you know you’ve reached a desperate point in your search. I need to stop and perhaps call it day with a bit of porn or a webcam.
Avoid Unnecessary Risks
Although I took the chance and wandered down that alley behind those houses, it wasn’t clever. Especially as I didn’t know the escort, there where no reviews to be read. I hadn’t seen any photos or profiles online. This was really a risk that I would have been better to avoid.
Take Your Foot of the Pedal
Finally, if I get to the point of feeling like I need to search a newspaper for an escort, I should follow a new rule. This is the wank before you search rule. By following this rule you alleviate the pressure, take away the stress of the search. It allows me to accept that an escort might not be available and I can wait another night.
I’ll be back soon with some more adventures and to share some lessons learned.
In the meantime, they have a bunch of Birmingham escorts here for you to check out if you are in the city.
All that being said, I have since found some amazing Chinese escorts in Birmingham city centre. So, don’t be put off if you find a good one. She could be worth her weight in gold.
